I have learned...

A couple of days ago I had a day that just didn't go well for me at all. I woke up feeling battered by life, and went to bed feeling battered by life. Why? Well...by the end of the day I was starting to feeling a bit more like myself again, but then I took a HARD tumble and it just all fell apart on me. I absolutely hate having days like that. When I have to fight so hard just to maintain an outward sense of equilibrium and "okayness". They do not happen often... which I can really say "thank God" for (and not in the worldly sense of saying it but in a heartfelt Christian way of saying it). But I do simply despise those days.

So today I looked at the scripture I was to read and thought..cool! James! we get to start reading James. :) I don't know, but I do enjoy the book of James. :) But then Psalm 55 caught my attention.

My first thought was... neat... another chance to learn to pray more deeply. It amazes me how often I read in books, granted many of them fiction, wherein people mention that they use the psalms to broaden or deepen their prayer life, or even to learn HOW to pray. Rather neat I think how God "planned" it that way. :) So my using them often in that regard isn't a new thing.

Granted this whole prayer doesn't really seem to fit, but some of it does. The whole crying out to God to hear me, to attend to me and answer me because I am moaning in my complaint. That fits! Or at least it fit well a couple of days ago. :)

1Give ear to my prayer, O God,
and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy!
2Attend to me, and answer me;
I am restless in my complaint and I moan,

All I wanted to do two days ago was to run away and hide somewhere. To just escape from life and this place and just everything. I felt SO battered within.

4My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
5Fear and trembling come upon me,
and horror overwhelms me.
6And I say, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest;
7yes, I would wander far away;
I would lodge in the wilderness;

I have learned from previous dealings with this, that I can't do that. and that if I try God will do something to make me stay at home (like have my car break down or my dog get sick or something). Yes it's true, he's done it! So I don't run and hide even if I want to very badly.

8I would hurry to find a shelter
from the raging wind and tempest."

What I have learned, is the very best thing to do? Call out to God as I keep myself very busy at home doing drudgery type things (two days ago I cleaned out the garage). :) Doing that type of thing frees up my mind to just talk with God. To think about his promises to care for me, to provide me with what I need for the moment and so forth.

16But I call to God,
and the LORD will save me.
17Evening and morning and at noon
I utter my complaint and moan,
and he hears my voice.
18He redeems my soul in safety
from the battle that I wage,
for many are arrayed against me.
19God will give ear and humble them,
he who is enthroned from of old,
Selah

because they do not change
and do not fear God.

Oh but I have oft relearned that turning to the Lord is the best thing I can do. I can say with the Psalmist:

22Cast your burden on the LORD,
and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
the righteous to be moved.

I can say "but I will trust in you".

Blessed indeed be the name of the Lord.