Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Anger part two

Okay, now that I got the whole anger thing out of my system, I have to admit, getting angry left me with a feeling of...okay...I"m angry...this is not a good thing. And that I thought to myself, is anger such a bad thing?

I get angry. Sometimes it seems like it doesn't take much to make me angry.

But as I thought about it (it was a good way for me to keep my mouth shut during coffeebreak), I realized something important I think. Anger makes me change. It spurs me on to change something in
1. what I am doing
2. what I am thinking
3. how I communicate with others

For instance. I HATED how my devotional and spiritual life was going. I felt disconnected from God... but hey...lived without changing, until one day I got good and mad inside myself...and started journaling during devotions. That didn't help with accountability though, and I wanted/needed some way to be accountable. Jim was pushing me a bit do a blog. Thought it would be a good thing for me.

So I started a blog. Just family stuff at first.

Still hadn't figured an accountability thing out though and was feeling frustrated about that. That somehow leads to me feeling angry about it, so thought to use my blog as a way to develop some accountability. Is it a real accountability? Well, not really. No one calls me on it if I skip a day, but it's visible to me. I know that my hubbie reads my blog which forces me to think before I write, because I do want to think about what I read, and what I write is usually what I think.

So anger changes things. It changes how I act toward my family (cause I get angry when I act in ways I think/know/am learning aren't as biblical as they should be). Forces to think of alternatives, or to figure out how to do things so I don't feel annoyed about whatever, forces me to have an "attitude check" when I need one, forces me to say GOD HELP!

So here I've gone from thinking of anger as an enemy and something to be avoided at all costs (meaning bury it within, lie about, and don't discuss it), to thinking of it as something that can be used as a vehicle of change. Hmm..... interesting that.

Gives me more to think about.

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