Sunday, August 14, 2011

Thinking out loud

A cousin of mine wrote this blog post. 6 reasons I never wanted to be a mother to a boy.
I find that Patti is well written in what she writes and I do wish I could write as clearly as she does. She's very open in what she thinks and feels which is helpful overall.

Anyways, her six points are as follows. Please do go read her blog as it lays out her thinking quite nicely.
1. I mostly don't like any of the little boys I know.
2. I can't stand all the stereotypes about boys.
3. I hate the way that everyone wanted me to have a boy
4. I don't trust men so I don't know how to raise a boy into a man.
5. Mothers are always blamed for whatever their sons do that deviates from what is considered 'normal'.
6. I think it's harder to be a man in modern culture than it is to be a woman.

I cannot and will not deal with each of her points. But I thought I'd list them out for you. :)

I have to admit.. little boys can be a handful. They can be. They different, but then again, so are little girls and there is SUCH a huge range out there in behaviours for all children, and every parent has a different style of parenting. All the things she said about little boys and behaviours the doesn't like can be said for little girls. I for one was scared out of my mind when I was confident that my lad would end up being born and not be a miscarriage. What was I scared about? that he would end up being a girlie girl. Petrified I was. What in the world would I do with a girlie girl? that is SO far from what I am that I couldn't conceive of what I would do with one. Just couldn't. When I learned I had a boy I was SO very relieved. I thought I'll have this little high wire of a lad, I know what to do with high wires. A boy I can raise. Good.

What I have NOT a little high wire. What I have is a cautious, intelligent lad. He is stubborn (but putting a good spin on .. he's persistent, VERY persistent). he doesn't like to get hurt, he's careful about what he wants to do, likes to be VERY clean ALL the time, and is not like me in many ways. he is like me in some ways, but he's much like his father and I find that intriguing to raise. I've learned in the past six years that you raise what you have and that as a parent you adjust to what God has given you to raise.

A statement that Patti made caused me to feel VERY sad. "There is no man in my life who I would consider to be an ideal role model for my son." No man in her life that would be a good role model for her son? NO ONE? That feels so empty and hopeless to me. and yes I know that it isn't. But doesn't she at least want her boy to be like his dad? Isn't his dad a good man in his own way? That will be her son's first role model so shouldn't he be a good one? I can't understand that mind set. So it just makes me feel sad.

I read a blog post or an article a while back on raising boys to be men. It made an impact on me. I find that see myself supporting maleness in my lad. Males tend to be the supporters and workers in families with high protective instincts and the ability to be focused on the task at hand. So I find myself encouraging the lad when he wants to help mommy or he wants to fix something and when he gets so focused on something. And yes... is some of that a stereotype? well yeah... but stereotypes exist for a reason... males are typically stronger, more task oriented, and so forth. is that a bad thing? But are people equally capable of crossing those male/female boundaries??? Yah! And that's just fine. I have zero issues with women being strong and protective and men wanting to raise their families. No problems. But where a lad is being a leader and protective I will encourage that. I will strive to help him do so in a godly manner.

Just as if I had a girl child who was a strong leader... I would encourage her to use those leadership skills in a godly manner... which would be a challenge to do. be a leader, yet be submissive to the male leadership in a church... Harder to do in this day and age.

I will Very very much agree with Patti when she says it's harder for guys to be guys in today's world. It is. Men are expected to be so much more and yet so much less now a days. Encouraging/training the lad to be a good strong male leader in his own way, despite what the world around us wants... that may be a challenge. But God is with us all the way so we'll hopefully get 'er done. :)

1 comment:

Jenny said...

Sad post. What bothers me is not so much her preference, but the negativity that continues to be spread around. Anyone that directly or indirectly discourages women from having sons should think about what long-term effect that'll have on all the daughters that they'll have instead. Being single is no fun.