Sunday, September 21, 2008

Parenting Question - You Not Going to Leave Mom?'s been almost two weeks.

Our buggy freaks when I'm not home when he wakes up. Okay....maybe freaks is the wrong word but he's not a happy camper if I'm not in the house when he wakes up.

He doesn't want to go to bed at night 'cause I might leave when he's sleeping.

When I get up in the morning he'll be up within the half hour wanting to walk the dog with me so I'm not leaving him when he's sleeping.

It's a bit of a struggle because I want to just go and walk the dog by myself. No child. Just me and my dog chillin' first thing in the morning. No pleas to go the park. No Why questions. Just me and my dog alone in the morning, getting ready for the day.

I've tried slipping out but that means leaving my night owl hubby to deal with child when he's ill-prepared to do so...he needs his morning sleep like I need my night sleep. Differing schedules don'tcha know.

I've given up my alone times in the morning...but I miss them terribly...AH!!!!!
Tell me this is just a stage and it'll pass. I can live with this for now then.....
OR give me some do I help this boy of mine to stop being so terribly worried about me leaving the house without him.

How do I deal with this?


jen elslager said...

I definitely think it's a stage and will pass. I don't know how soon, but my youngest was a little like that. It's been a long time since then, but I don't remember it lasting long.

My oldest was extremely independent and couldn't wait to get rid of me! LOL

Treasure his clinging to you while it lasts. There will always be a dog, but J won't always be a little boy. :)

Maybe you could arrange your quiet time with Sassy a little later in the day when Jim is fully awake and ready for it. I'm sure he wouldn't mind.

If this goes on for too long though, and becomes too restrictive on you, then maybe a firmer approach would be needed.


Annette said...

Okay.... Oh Jen...I'm tired! He slept with me last night and kept reaching out to hold my hand. Oh my.... I do hope this stage doesn't last TOO long. :) Tonight though He'll sleep in his own room!

Kay Martin said...

Bless you. Our daughter had some of these issues and in time... a long time she gained her confidence and all was well. My advice is consider your alone time over for a while. There is something in his little mind that is real.....the root would be interesting, but I don't know how you can get to it. Time will remedy it; but it's probably much longer than you want to consider.

The old saying...this too will true.

Dorothy Champagne said...

How about letting him come with you. Tell him the night before that you are getting up at ____ o'clock and if he wants to come, he has to be up at that time too. Make it a time to teach him about spending time in the morning with God. Talk about what you see on your walk. It might be a great time to teach him how important it is to talk to God. Also, let him know that if he doesn't sleep in his own bed - he won't be able to go with you in the morning.
Jen is right, he will not want to do this forever - so determine to take the next few months and make some lasting memories for him and you. Kids are great teachers to what God wants us to hear. Good Luck.

Stan said...

It is generally a mother's desire to comfort and nurture her child. It is generally a father's desire to train his child. So, being a father, I would come at this a different way.

Knowing that this clinging time is (usually) brief and even somewhat endearing, I wouldn't deal with it harshly, but I would want to teach my child that if I go away I will return ... you know, just like Christ said. (I see a lot of life as "just like Christ said".) So I wouldn't sneak out or coddle the behavior. I would 1) make sure to spend serious time with the child ("I'm here") and 2) make a point of leaving overtly and coming back (bedtime, walks, a quick trip to the mailbox, whatever). I would say, "I'm leaving now and I will be back" and demonstrate it. Of course, it won't be easy (for either of you), but eventually children do learn and the relationship will be all the richer because 1) you demonstrated your own reliability and 2) you modeled, for the child, Christ's reliability.

But then, as I said, I'm a father ...

Annette said...

Stan, as a mom I also try to teach him. It's just a bit odd. He's always been okay with me taking the dog for a walk. It's just right now he's NOT okay.

I'm just riding it out and trying to remind him that yes I will be back, but he's just not getting it right now. :)

Yes, I'm craving my alone time....

Stan said...

Annette, I did not mean to imply that mothers don't teach their children. It's just that this teaching impulse is tempered with compassion. (As if that's a bad thing?)

When I was raising young children, one of the most difficult and yet most important lessons I believed I needed to teach them was "You are not the center of the universe." I know ... it goes against their nature. That makes it hard. And sometimes it felt arbitrary, self-centered, and even mean when I did it. But I made a point of letting them know first that they were loved and second that they were not the most important being on the planet.

If it were me, then, for the sake of my children, I would take my alone time.

Annette said...

ah...okay...that makes sense. and I think that next week (when hubby's cold is over) that I'll do that! Gives hubby more coping skills when our buggy decides he's going to cry about mommy leaving without him. :)