Monday, November 19, 2007


The book of James has been one of my favourite books to study for along time. Not entirely sure why, but I suspect it began in College when on my teachers taught us how to study the bible primarily using the book of James.

I just LOVED the class. Liked the prof and how she taught the class too. But loved what I learned from James. I continue to learn much from the book. Anyways, my bible reading plan has us starting this book today. When I saw that I just smiled, it was like seeing an old friend again. :)

In James 1 I found these verses that struck my heart today:

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

This is how I feel ever so often. Like I lack real wisdom. I find myself needing to turn to God and say, hey...what do I do with this?

My problem lies with "let him ask with faith". I do believe in God. I believe that he loves me, he died for me, that he created me with a purpose. I still always have this hesitation inside of me...this sin that I battle and battle and battle. This week I decided that I am TIRED of having that battle inside of me. I just want to know deep in my guts that God loves me and that's enough. I don't have to "do" anything. I am tired of always wondering in the back of my head if I'm somehow just fooling myself. That thinking of ... but what if what I believe isn't really so. I believe that God sent his son to die for me and that I've accepted Christ into my heart.

But see I always have this lingering..... But what if I don't believe this enough? What if I don't confess this with all of my being?

It's STUPID! God's word says, if one has faith the size of a mustard seed it is sufficient. Trust me, on many days...that's the size of my faith.

I am so sick and tired of this lingering sin in my life.
This lingering doubt. This constant feeling of instability that rests in me.

So I finally got this brain-storm and said you know what girl? You can ask God to deal with this. you can. And then I read James this morning...the whole lack of doubt thing and I have to admit. I feel a bit stymied.

I ask God to remove doubt and just let me trust him and live for him etc. (not wording that right but I think you get the gist) but part of me continues to have some doubt. What do I do with that?

Anyways,.... I know my confession in God is true. A core in my being knows this.
Please pray with me that I can just rest in God. Knowing that he knows me, loves me and holds me close regardless. Thanks.

1 comment:

Samantha said...

I doubted my salvation for 3 years. I'm still unsure exactly when I was saved, but I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed AND PRAYED AND PRAYED AND PRAYED and waited! And in His time, He showed me that I was His.

But knowing that still leaves me with doubts, especially when I feel I've been "extra" sinful. But, I suspect for me and you as well, there is a part of the Gospel we are forgetting: We are justified by His righteousness, His sacrifice. We will sin until we reach His Home. And none of us will ever love Him enough or be good enough :) That is why there is such mercy when we see that He loves us despite!

And knowing our sin is a HUGE sign that we are saved. When we are aware of our sin, we run to Him, repenting and He sanctifies us through it.

Keep praying! I'll be praying with you.